Dissapointment and Letting Go

I've neglected the blog lately because I have been in denial of my feelings and have not wanted to share. It's been a tough couple of weeks with lots of ups and downs.

I had my interview at Todd Events. It was great. They are looking for two interns Sept.-Dec. Work weeks would be unpaid, with paid events on the weekends - I even have the same wedding date as the girl who interviewed me! I left with a good feeling and the promise of a decision the following week.

The interview was on a Tuesday afternoon. Wednesday morning I got an email saying the positions have been filled but it may be for the best because they can no longer pay for events. Remember that this interview was scheduled months ago. I didn't understand how this was possible. I had been away from my computer all day and read the email right as I was leaving for yoga class that night. I didn't say a word to anyone-not even Fernando. I was too embarrassed. I had been planning for this for so long - how could it be over? I was starting to feel like a failure. Not just because I didn't get one internship - in general. I've not had a steady job since March. I was getting depressed about all the unknown in our future and all the jobs "on hold" or going another direction.

Fernando on the other hand, was just offered a long-term contract position at BeautiControl (the same place he freelanced for before). He'll be redesigning their internal magazine until the end of December. He even got called back into work at Razor for a day. He's barely had any non-work days since his lay-off.

Being the sweetie that he is, he was telling his family all about my interview and how great it would be if I worked for Todd. He was just updating them on his offer and any recent news of how we were doing. It all sound so good when he said it. The truth was killing me. I started going through all my emails looking for contacts to follow-up with. I found the perfect wedding planner who I had first contacted before our wedding and emailed her. Again, didn't say anything to Fernando just yet.

I was really down and we ended up talking about our future plans for some reason -- I don't remember the whole conversation and I just blurted out "I didn't get it". He thought I was joking and then I started crying. He was very comforting and said all the right things. When I got over the tears I told him about my new email. I had actually already heard back and would have an interview on Monday - I followed up at just the right time!

The interview was with Rebecca Hackl Events. It started out all wrong - I got lost on the way there! I called Fernando frantic and asked for directions. I also called Rebecca to apologize and let her know--got voicemail. I ended up near tears and 15 minutes late - such a bad impression. Rebecca didn't seem to mind, however - she was tied up on a call and it was better for her to start late. We talked for over an hour! Everything went really well. Her company is small -- 3 or 4 people and does corporate events and weddings. They also do custom stationary. I was so excited about this and showed her samples from our wedding. She is looking to hire two interns with the possibility of hiring full-time and the decision should be quick.... she told me everything looked good...stay tuned.

MAW has kind of been all I have that is my own project lately. This is making Fernando's life difficult because after a long day at work (8-12 hours a day), he hears about how much MAW stuff needs to get done. There have been many tears over this as well. We decided a solution would be a project board---that way he has a visual reminder and I can back off. It was a great idea but doesn't guarantee that things will get done when I want them to -- paying jobs come first and he gets worn out. I have to let go a little bit apparently. We need a compromise between "it's pro-bono, it will get done when it gets done" and my detailed time lines and reminders. What can I say, I'm attached to my work. Remember to check out wish100.org!

Despite my emotional ups and downs, we are well taken care of for both of us being technically unemployed. We now have multiple sources of income that more than cover everything we need and we are applying for health insurance on our own through UniCare. I'm working on the rest with the help of my loving husband.